Unfortunately, some couples don’t always make it down the aisle. Case in point: Mariah Carey and billionaire James Packer, who have reportedly split and called off their engagement. Things get ugly, people change, minds move in different directions, and the heart wants what it wants—until it doesn’t. And in these situations, the question of whether or not to keep the engagement ring may arise. If you’re Carey, that means all 35-carats of it. While usually it’s pretty black and white, many couples may struggle with the awkward decision of ownership. Does your ex want you to keep it and should you? Do you keep it regardless because you feel you are owed something after you’ve been wronged? Do you throw it in his or her face and walk away? There’s certainly no right or wrong answer but it’s a topic that comes up more often than one might think. Here, the Vogue staff weighs in on whether to hold on to the rock or, like the relationship itself, just let it go.
“No, too many memories attached to it.” – Brooke Ely Danielson, Vogue.com Accessories Editor
“I learned recently that my grandma broke off not one, but two engagements. And while she returned one of the rings, the second suitor insisted she keep his in hopes that the gesture would win her back. It didn’t. She met and married my grandpa soon thereafter and rather than an engagement ring (she already had one, after all), she asked him for a beautiful brooch.” – Anonymous
“I was once given a ring by an ex that, to me, served as a promise ring, but to him, acted as an engagement ring (I was unwilling to call myself engaged at such a young age). When things ended up not working out, it was the first thing that I gave back to him. I loved the ring, it was exactly what I wanted at the time, but I also didn’t want a physical object to be a constant reminder of our relationship that ended so horribly when I was already being consumed by emotional baggage. Friends said I should’ve sold it, but that seemed to be in poor taste. Plus, I didn’t feel a need to make money off of a purchase from a man that I felt so wronged by. I’ve got myself covered, thank you very much.” – Anonymous
“Maybe there’s not one answer. If it is a family heirloom, it seems the right thing to do would be to return the ring. If it was designed together, or for the once-betrothed, there might be an argument for keeping it, no?” – Laird Borrelli-Persson, Vogue.com Archive Editor
“You absolutely must return it. Why would you want to keep it?! Bad juju all the way around.” – Alessandra Codinha, Vogue.com Fashion News Editor
“Diamonds are forever, but good manners are for life. Return to sender, especially pertinent if a family heirloom. ” – Emma Elwick-Bates, Vogue Fashion News Editor
“Totally depends on the reasons for the breakup—was he (or she) abusive? Did they cheat? If so, keep it. Or did you just change your mind, because you are a capricious sort? Then give it back.” – Lynn Yaeger, Vogue and Vogue.com Contributing Editor
“I’m with Lynn. But if you’ve got reason to keep custody of the ring, sell that thing immediately and donate the proceeds to a good cause. Say, an organization that provides legal aid to refugees, or one that helps shelter homeless families. Keep that karma circulating!” – Maya Singer, Vogue.com Contributor
“Return it! Why would you ever wear, let alone look at it again?” – Sophie Schulte-Hillen, Vogue.com Contributing Editor
“If he cheated or was a horrible person, then there’s an argument for keeping it. For example, I think Rose had every right to keep the Heart of the Ocean in Titanic because Cal was the worst. But if you’re mere mortals who broke up for regular reasons, it’s tricky. I wouldn’t want to keep it because it has lost its meaning. Technically, it belongs to both of you and was a sign of your love and the promise you made to each other. Maybe you should sell it and split the profits?” – Michelle Ruiz, Vogue.com Contributing Editor
“Why on earth would you want to keep it? Release yourself from emotional baggage. Let the ring go, the relationship go, set yourself free.” – Mackenzie Wagoner, Vogue.com Senior Beauty Writer
“The proper thing to do is give it back. However, if it were me and I was given a 35-carat diamond ring like Mariah Carey, I’d keep it and rework the stone into a pair of sick studs.” – Anonymous
“It is tacky to keep it, especially if you were the one who called it off. Though, unless the partner was abusive or something of that sort, then I would of course keep the ring, sell it, and donate the proceeds to charity.” – Liana Satenstein, Vogue.com Fashion News Writer
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